Just don't do it.

Darwin and Darkwing

On occasion, the raging depths of time and fate spawn legendary, larger-than-life figures. These individuals make a profound impact on how we think about ourselves and the world. Unfortunately, sometimes these ultra-persons really shank it. Even with the best intentions, they find their monumental power unweildy or even cumbersome, and they end up doing really dumb stuff. When this happens, Mother Earth compensates for her mistake by spewing forth a new giant: a man capable of not only correcting the errors of the past but also showing a better, nobler way. No example is more instructive, recent, or important than that of Charles Darwin and Darkwing Duck.



Darwin v. Darkwing

1) Foolishly, Darwin was British. Darkwing countered idiocy with genius: according to Wikipedia, he was an eponymous superhero anthropomorphic duck. Brilliant!
2) Darwin was mostly a loner, hanging out occasionally with wankers like Alfred Russel Wallace. He didn't have much luck with the ladies, choosing to marry his cousin Emma Wedgwood. Darkwing was much more social, spending his free time with notable mallards Gizmoduck and the manly Launchpad McQuack. He also knew how to communicate with women; two of his most trusted confidants were his own daughter, Gosalyn Mallard, and her best friend Honker Muddlefoot. Personality goes a long way, and Darwin just didn't have it.
3) Darwin cruised around in a boat he called, this is not a joke, the Beagle. Darkwing, on the other hand, was a fowl, so he could fly. What now, CharDar? Also, Darkwing had his choice of pimped-out rides such as the Duckmobile.
4) Darwin's most prominent idea was the theory of natural selection. Darkwing corrected this folly in a famous episode of his tv show (Darwin never had one of those) wherein he showed all mankind the true secret to living forever.

I could go on for pages about Darkwing Duck's superiority. But I won't.

Word to your respective mothers!! (We miss Josh)

(Nathan "Me Want Honeycombs" Nielson and Josh "the J-Dub" Weatherston.)

I wrote Josh Weatherston an email. I know, writing emails to missionaries is probably not allowed, and it almost definitely distracts them a lot, but this is Josh Weatherston. I'm talking about the original Jweatherston, the cynical anti-sweet-bro who intellectually defeated Nalhan with a mere eye-roll, the very man who once mistakenly drank from my milk jug and left it sitting on his bookshelf for hours. This is not your average missionary or even your banal schmo, this is the Pastry Turk. I have no idea why it took me eight months to write him.

And he wrote me back. Reading his email was the greatest moment of my day, excepting when I found a twenty dollar bill on Sunday, the residual effects of which continue to be the high point of each day of this week. For those of you who like keeping tabs on emeritus trizzle245 members, this is what's new in the life of Skjosh:

He's a missionary in Boise, ID. If you didn't know that, you apparently missed when he opened his mission call and literally laughed out loud.

His older brother Matt is serving a mission in Pocatello. There is a 1/7 chance that Matt will be annexed to the Boise mission because of the Twin Falls temple's affect on boundaries. The Boise mission is also picking up a small penal colony known as Rupert, ID.

Sadly, his most recent companion was sent home for depression. Josh has been a real trooper about everything, kind of like the time he was really understanding about my ill-fated effort to identify his bedroom as the center of the universe.

He lives with a family of seven three miles from the Boise Temple.

He is still awesome.

Tom

...and then the bird flew away. It was a miracle.

Official NFL Press Release: "The Chicago Bears used their 14th pick to draft middle line backer DaNathan Nielson. Nielson is recognized for his unique ability to strike fear into the heart of every quarterback. Brady Quinn, watching footage from DaNathan's games, said emphatically, "I would rather not be good looking and I would rather be a backup quarterback than to ever play against DaNathan. His green eyed glare while singing "Shanendoah" is too much for me to bear." This is a rather interesting statement as Brady Quinn is already ugly and a backup quarterback, but whatever. DaNathan has played three years of pickup football at the BYU intramural fields, and he recorded 706 sacks in his career!"


included: photo of DaNathan Nielson

This is an important question for the general public: Which member of Trizzle245 is Charlie Sheen dreaming of in this picture?

N: There's no "us" in Grandma.

T: And there's no "shiz" in Shiztown.

Man. Those were the days.

Lettuce

Lettuce is tasty. Especially through plastic.

Story Time with Barnetch and Tennyson Dale

Sometimes the stories that E-Barn reads to Tenny are about sharks. Tenny is an emeritus member of Raintrizzle 245, but he left a permanent mark on our lives by donating his Guitar Hero to us last summer.

Bard's Midnight Serenade

Sometimes when his roommates try to study, Brad helps them by doing this.

Brad in a Box

One day Brad found an empty box. Soon after finding it, his roommates shoved him inside and sent him to the parking lot.

Bard

I was lying on my bed doing some homework and yammering to Tod about something when suddenly, to my surprise, I was being pelted with a deluge of toilet paper rolls. Through the hail of white, ultra-soft rain I could see the figure of my attacker standing in my doorway. 'Twas Bard, of course.