Darwin and Darkwing

On occasion, the raging depths of time and fate spawn legendary, larger-than-life figures. These individuals make a profound impact on how we think about ourselves and the world. Unfortunately, sometimes these ultra-persons really shank it. Even with the best intentions, they find their monumental power unweildy or even cumbersome, and they end up doing really dumb stuff. When this happens, Mother Earth compensates for her mistake by spewing forth a new giant: a man capable of not only correcting the errors of the past but also showing a better, nobler way. No example is more instructive, recent, or important than that of Charles Darwin and Darkwing Duck.



Darwin v. Darkwing

1) Foolishly, Darwin was British. Darkwing countered idiocy with genius: according to Wikipedia, he was an eponymous superhero anthropomorphic duck. Brilliant!
2) Darwin was mostly a loner, hanging out occasionally with wankers like Alfred Russel Wallace. He didn't have much luck with the ladies, choosing to marry his cousin Emma Wedgwood. Darkwing was much more social, spending his free time with notable mallards Gizmoduck and the manly Launchpad McQuack. He also knew how to communicate with women; two of his most trusted confidants were his own daughter, Gosalyn Mallard, and her best friend Honker Muddlefoot. Personality goes a long way, and Darwin just didn't have it.
3) Darwin cruised around in a boat he called, this is not a joke, the Beagle. Darkwing, on the other hand, was a fowl, so he could fly. What now, CharDar? Also, Darkwing had his choice of pimped-out rides such as the Duckmobile.
4) Darwin's most prominent idea was the theory of natural selection. Darkwing corrected this folly in a famous episode of his tv show (Darwin never had one of those) wherein he showed all mankind the true secret to living forever.

I could go on for pages about Darkwing Duck's superiority. But I won't.