Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Ian thinks he knows a butt load of crap about electro-magnetics, but I know someone who would shame Ian on any gamma coefficient. His name is Magneto. Professor Wikipedia recently explained the greatness of Magneto to a worldwide audience:
Magneto is an mutant capable of generating magnetic fields, enabling him to control ferrous metals (iron, steel, etc.). Magneto can use his magnetic fields to move and otherwise alter objects composed of ferrous metals, sometimes weighing many thousands of tons. He can project ferrous metals at high velocity, liquefy and reshape them, manipulate iron in the human bloodstream, affect diamagnetic substances to a limited extent, and achieve a wide range of other effects. He often generates a magnetic force field to protect himself, and can expand this field to protect other people and objects around him. His force field has withstood the vacuum of deep space and assaults from multiple X-Men and Avengers. Magneto is capable of personal levitation and sustained flight at high speeds. Magneto is also able to perceive the world around him as patterns of electromagnetic energy, and can perceive the electrical auras surrounding living beings. Unlike most mutants, whose powers first appear upon the onset of puberty, Magneto's didn't fully develop until his 20's due to a bout of Hepatitis.
TO SUM UP, the only thing Bahnetch has in common with Magneto is Hepatitis and the fact that they both communicate mostly through refrigerator magnets.
Put that on your Smith chart.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
On occasion, the raging depths of time and fate spawn legendary, larger-than-life figures. These individuals make a profound impact on how we think about ourselves and the world. Unfortunately, sometimes these ultra-persons really shank it. Even with the best intentions, they find their monumental power unweildy or even cumbersome, and they end up doing really dumb stuff. When this happens, Mother Earth compensates for her mistake by spewing forth a new giant: a man capable of not only correcting the errors of the past but also showing a better, nobler way. No example is more instructive, recent, or important than that of Charles Darwin and Darkwing Duck.
Darwin v. Darkwing
1) Foolishly, Darwin was British. Darkwing countered idiocy with genius: according to Wikipedia, he was an eponymous superhero anthropomorphic duck. Brilliant!
2) Darwin was mostly a loner, hanging out occasionally with wankers like Alfred Russel Wallace. He didn't have much luck with the ladies, choosing to marry his cousin Emma Wedgwood. Darkwing was much more social, spending his free time with notable mallards Gizmoduck and the manly Launchpad McQuack. He also knew how to communicate with women; two of his most trusted confidants were his own daughter, Gosalyn Mallard, and her best friend Honker Muddlefoot. Personality goes a long way, and Darwin just didn't have it.
3) Darwin cruised around in a boat he called, this is not a joke, the Beagle. Darkwing, on the other hand, was a fowl, so he could fly. What now, CharDar? Also, Darkwing had his choice of pimped-out rides such as the Duckmobile.
4) Darwin's most prominent idea was the theory of natural selection. Darkwing corrected this folly in a famous episode of his tv show (Darwin never had one of those) wherein he showed all mankind the true secret to living forever.
I could go on for pages about Darkwing Duck's superiority. But I won't.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
(Nathan "Me Want Honeycombs" Nielson and Josh "the J-Dub" Weatherston.)
I wrote Josh Weatherston an email. I know, writing emails to missionaries is probably not allowed, and it almost definitely distracts them a lot, but this is Josh Weatherston. I'm talking about the original Jweatherston, the cynical anti-sweet-bro who intellectually defeated Nalhan with a mere eye-roll, the very man who once mistakenly drank from my milk jug and left it sitting on his bookshelf for hours. This is not your average missionary or even your banal schmo, this is the Pastry Turk. I have no idea why it took me eight months to write him.
And he wrote me back. Reading his email was the greatest moment of my day, excepting when I found a twenty dollar bill on Sunday, the residual effects of which continue to be the high point of each day of this week. For those of you who like keeping tabs on emeritus trizzle245 members, this is what's new in the life of Skjosh:
He's a missionary in Boise, ID. If you didn't know that, you apparently missed when he opened his mission call and literally laughed out loud.
His older brother Matt is serving a mission in Pocatello. There is a 1/7 chance that Matt will be annexed to the Boise mission because of the Twin Falls temple's affect on boundaries. The Boise mission is also picking up a small penal colony known as Rupert, ID.
Sadly, his most recent companion was sent home for depression. Josh has been a real trooper about everything, kind of like the time he was really understanding about my ill-fated effort to identify his bedroom as the center of the universe.
He lives with a family of seven three miles from the Boise Temple.
He is still awesome.